Wysteria Invasion

[skeletalplague]

Day 1 (Brought to you by The Local Supermarket. We feel moved to make you an offer you cannot refuse, come today. While you can still walk.)- the invasion started in normal fashion with our spies re-conning the area completely unobserved by the unsuspecting population.

a completely harmless big striped balloon
drifts in from somewhere in outer space
silently orbits among wysterian space agency satellites
the crew is unseen and a deep mystery

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

13 hours ago

a skeletal dragon appears chained to the balloon with big skeletal binoculars observing all the nations in Wysteria

-The Dominion of The Skeletal Dragon

10 hours ago

Several hours later one of the populace finally sounded the alarm. It is thought this is due to paper airplane that landed in Wysteria mentioning they were about to be invaded.
Local pranksters are being blamed. *ahem*

Eek! We're being invaded! Man the battlements and prepare to repel boarders with increasing salvos of hospitality! :-)

-The Green and Pleasant Dominion of The Bruce

2 hours ago

They sought to appease us:

Erm...what does one serve skellies at a reception, anyway? Are you able to eat and drink, or would you just prefer some gift bags and passes to the casinos?

-The Holy Empire of Equus

2 hours ago

And our Queen arrived:

*Strides into region and looks around, looks up and shakes head at the sight of the skeletal dragon* Attention Wysteria it is I Ramazakal the great and mighty Skeleton Queen and me and my mighty army of skeleton warriors, *stops looks behind her and see nothing* Oh good grief..... Anyway they will be here any minute, it is useless to resist, I have here *digs in bag* the thigh bone of surrender, Just have your leader sign it and we shall be merciful

-The Warrior Skeleton Queen of Ramazakal

98 minutes ago

Her beauty, so glorious, inspired one of the locals to conduct music in her honor!

It may be rude, but I've always wanted to see if you could play the xylophone on a skellie's ribs like they did in those old cartoons.

-The Sleepy Floaty Isles of Dienes

90 minutes ago

But she politely declined.

*glares at dienes* No you may not, of course if that dragon ever lands you may try it on them

-The Warrior Skeleton Queen of Ramazakal

89 minutes ago

Overawed their leader started to send gifts in the form of non-skeletal kittens to appease the army!

Warleader Yarooo strode to the battlement; a large basket carried underneath one of his powerful arms. He looked out at the skeletons on the horizon and placed his burden down. The large Grendel flicked the lid off of the basket with a claw to reveal dozens of mewling kittens. Yarooo picked one up and hurled it with all his might at the invaders.

He even worried he would not have enough for everyone.

“Shut up and get more goram kittens,” growled Warleader Yarooo. “I’m starting to run out!”

-The Indomitable Borderlands of The Grendels

81 minutes ago

So starts the Wysterian invasion! I hope someone brought Kitten Chow.

[skeletalplague]

Day 2 (brought to you by The Local Superrmarket: The Local Supermarket, we no longer accept antique coins)
We have seem to come across people of understanding. They have delved into the dark arts and this is akin to using banjos music to fight hillbillies.

Ia! Ia!

Break out the Ninjanomicon!

This is not a drill. All Wasteland citizens are commanded to turn to page 34 and perform the Incantation Against Incoming Armies by Noon today, this is a tier 3 invocation and should not cause permanent harm to those participating. Don't forget to work the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pizzagram before and after as this amuses me.

Shoggoth are not exempt from this edict. Ia!

Armaitus Syn,
Om-Mani-Padme-Pope (President-unelect)
Cthonian Wasteland

-The Architeuthis Dux of Cthonian Wasteland

8 hours ago

More of our warriors arrived, some with shiny new equipment:

*a carriage drawn by a vain skeletal horse in new gilded horseshoes arrives*
*driver brandishes new huge war axe*

Surrender, Wysteria!
*swings axe wildly for effect*

*a solemn incantation is heard*
But what is this? Like the underworld itself speaking in many voices.
*shudders*

*one of the impressive swipes of the axe accidentally cuts through the reins*
*the carriage rolls to a standstill in a sand pit*
*the horse merrily traipses on*

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

7 hours ago

Ooooooh! Love your regional picture! And lookie! We brought food!
*Sets up all-day breakfast buffet*
We have tea (Hot and iced, all flavours) coffee (again, all flavours), milk, juices, soft drinks, bloody marys, mimosas and we'll try to whip up anything else you request.
There's fresh fruit, yogurt, sprinkles, and other toppings.
We'll make waffles, pancakes, crepes, toast, bagels, doughnuts and pop tarts (but we won't toast Justin Bieber or Selma Hayik)
We've got sausages (link, patty and blood), ham, SPAM, and BACON!!!!!! We can also cook a mean breakfast steak or fresh fish. Those Klingons are talented with fire.
And of course, we'll cook eggs any way you wish.
Come and get it - and keep those cuddles coming!

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

2 hours ago

*A very tired skeleton arrives limping on foot, carrying a war axe and a heavy package wrapped in brown paper.*

*whispers* You haven't seen my horse somewhere, have you Bears?

*Downs a Mimosa.* Aaaahhhh. That's better.

Listen up, Wysterians! The utter adorableness of your kittens, the deep ctulhuan magic of your banishing rituals, and the booming sound waves of your neoclassical punk zombie songs, will not avail you in this mismatched battle. We are ready to fight tooth and claw for the dominion of this place! In fact, we have already occupied all the strategic points. There is nothing for it. The forces of the skeleton army now occupy this green and pleasant region.

However, our ever gracious and merciful Queen Ramazakal has offered you a chance. If your leader signs her thighbone of surrender, we will spare you. We might even spare you a waffle...

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

2 hours ago

*a skeletal elephant comes shuffling into view*

Would it kill one of you guys to give me some warning next time? Or maybe a ride? *looks at The Bone of Contention* Actually, never mind. It just might.

Attention Wysteria! We are here! Tremble in awe. I'mma go lie down, but when I get back, you best be prepared to surrender.

-The Reanimated Elephant of The Boneyard

43 minutes ago

And in the midst of all this the eldritch chanting and the skeletal presence has caused the rise of a neoclassical punk zombie band

Attention Wysteria!

The recent rise in undead activity in the region has caused Wysteria's favorite neoclassical punk zydeco rockabilly megastars Purple Zombie Apocalypse to rise from their eternal slumber for another world tour!

See PZA play all their greatest hits, including "Brains!" and "Brains!!", as well as never-before-heard songs off their upcoming album, George Romero!

Purple Zombie Apocalypse Wysteria World Tour 2012!

-The Purple Zombie Apocalypse of Sdaeriji

3 hours ago

tourdates available for those interested.

[skeletalplague]

Still affected by gravity the minions struggles to crawl forth:

still can't get up
struggling to get used to gravity again
a few commando crawl valiantly in direction of royal tent
a few trampled by stampeding prophetical sheep

The Minions of The Skeleton Army

9 hours ago

And the kitten barrage continued with slightly less cute kittens:

Warleader Yarooo sent the last adorable kitten spinning and mewling from the battlement, before looking down at the baskets of ugly kittens in disgust.

“Our biological warfare department have been breeding new stocks of adorable kittens as fast as possible, my Warleader,” apologized the media officer.

“You want me to defend Wysteria with ugly kittens?” roared Yarooo. “Look at that one with the pug nose! Just the idea of seeing that in my paw makes me sick!”

The media officer was thankful to see the world media crowding around a bicycle courier, giving their dramatically acted out story about how they single handed stood against the Queen of the Undead.

“The biological war department just needs more time to breed more cute kittens,” explained the media officer. “I’m certain that nobody will notice a few ugly kittens being tossed at the invaders till then.”

“Fine,” growled the Grendel Warleader, staring down into the nearest basket of somewhat less adorable kittens. “But if I see one front page picture of me holding an ugly kitten I’ll nail your hide to this battlement!”

“Your will, my Warleader,” bowed the media officer, scurrying off to speed up operations in the biological war department.

Warleader Yarooo scooped up an ugly kitten in his claws. Its fur was patchy and its eyes crossed. Looking out at the undead horde, he hurled the kitten across the space between them with a roar of defiance.

-The Indomitable Borderlands of The Grendels

6 hours ago

That is when Bone started to arm the kittens and send them back:

*A small not-quite-so-adorable kitten lands within the enemy encampment, meows and crawls underneath the buffet table.*

Sssshhh Kitten. Everything is fine. Here, have a milkshake.

*Tired but determined, Bone unwraps the parcel from The Local Supermarket. It contains a super weapon, the Giant Metal Claws.*
www.freewebs.com/toddo69/Blunt/DSC02319.JPG

What do you think, Kitten? Would you like to go back to those Grendels and show them?
~ Meow meow ~

*Bestows Kitten with the Giant Metal Claws.*
Go forth then, o Kitten. Show them.

And The Kitten Went Forth.

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

6 hours ago

It was then we saw how evil our enemy could be:

“A plague on these accursed ugly kittens!” growled Warleader Yarooo, slamming the door of his bunker shut behind him.

“What’s that piece of torn meat tied to your arm?” asked a curious officer.

“Oh that,” shrugged Yarooo. “That was my media officer. I needed an improvised shield against the wave of modified ugly kittens the enemy sent against us.”

“What now?” asked the officer.

“Obviously, it’s time to fire up the BBQ. I’m not letting these baskets of kittens go to waste!”

-The Indomitable Borderlands of The Grendels

5 hours ago

This awoke the beat, well, actually the elephant:

*sniffs*

Is that a BBQ I smell? Something tangy, yet deep; sweet, yet rich. It's not ribs. Whatever could it be?

*trundles over to investigate*

-The Reanimated Elephant of The Boneyard

5 hours ago

The minions started to fortify themselves and the panic yells of Bearistotle drew attention to the plight of the kittens:

KITTIES!!!!!!!! Come away from that BBQ pit! You're singing your fur! Look! We have nice bowls of milk for you. And fishes! Lovely fishes! Leave the Minions alone! They're not fishes!

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

3 hours ago

Victory already noted as an assurance by our queen

*Goes over and whispers into minions ear, turns and walks over to bears* Seems as if there are more kittens here than anything else, where does that dog creature find them I wonder. Well either way it seems that the leader of this here region has been in hiding. Must of caught sight of my mighty army *looks down and sees more minions crawling towards the buffet table*

-The Warrior Skeleton Queen of Ramazakal

67 minutes ago

I could not sit back and let the kittens be victim. Knowing Nameless and the trouble he inherently finds I realized this was his moment, his chance, to shine:

Nameless! Your time has come!
*Nameless perks up and puffs out his small ribcage*
You see those kittens? We need to save them from a fate worse then tofu! I do believe the enemy general plans on having a kitten bake!
*Nameless arches his back and hisses*
Go, Nameless, go and lead them!
*Nameless bounces forth across the battlefield, meowing in defiance. Kittens across the battlefield look up and start joining in, meowing and following. As an army the kittens march, march towards their one time oppressor. The ground nearly thinks of shaking under their many paws*
*TSP sniffs*
I don't think I have ever been prouder! Hey! Where did my C4 stash go? Nameless?

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

Seconds ago

Would the kittens be saved? Could Nameless pull this off? Was this too much danger even for him?
We waited to see.

[boneofcontention]

Ah! Newest reports from the battle!
With commercials!

Danger? Ha. Danger itself flees when Nameless approaches.

[skeletalplague]

Day 3 (brought to you by The Local Supermarket. Looking for an explosive July 4th or just a way to get your date to come out from behind that wall? We offer a wide ranfe of explosives! Come and check them out today, at your supermarket. The Local Supermarket)
Bearistotle was getting the regions love, but not the kittens:

Oh, goodie! One of our favourite rankings!!!!!! Who's fattest? Whip out the cans of lard, Klingons - we're going to have a fry up for breakfast! Come and get it! We'll fry darn near anything you want, except kittens!
Btw, keep those cuddles coming - you're excellent huggers here in Wysteria!

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

15 hours ago

And was even serenaded.

I hope you got fat
I hope you got really fat
'Cause if you got really, really fat
You just might want to see me come back
I hope you got fat

I don't care, I don't care
How heavy or how skinny
I don't care, I don't care
No, how heavy or how skinny

Just gimme, gimme something to love
A little extra weight would never look
No nicer on nobody else but you
And I could always use a little bit more to hold on to

And if I get a fright in the middle of the night
I'll cling to you
I hope you got fat
I hope you got really fat
If you got truly fat, fat, fat
You just might want to see me come back

-The Holiest Of The Holy Lands of Deep south Borland

10 hours ago

Our friend Vampiric Kittens arrived to help out:

*Flies into region from the bad place, searches the battle field, spots nameless and their army of kittens, lands beside nameless and grins*

-The Blood Sucking Vampire Kitten of Vampiric Kittens

12 hours ago

The minions had moved into position:

Report from the Minions of The Skeleton Army to the army Headquarters of Her Most Gracious Majesty, Ramazakal, The Warrior Skeleton Queen. Covert mission successful. Vital strategic Wysterian infrastructure now captured, secured and occupied.

To wit:
The linen cupboard at Chevallia Palace, Equus.
A strategic spot next to a dark water puddle in Cthonian Wasteland.
A fully functional Dire Bear Soda vending machine belonging to The Grendels.
The important corner right behind the bicycle shed of the Ummagumma Army of the People.
The air conditioning control room at The Centauri Ministry of Alien Affairs.
(One squad lost on mountain paths and stairs in Prophetic Sheep.)

Sincerely,
Muddy Minions

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

10 hours ago

And a young bicycle courier had become a hero!

In an interview today with the Wysteria Times, Jimmy the Bicycle Courier talked about coming to terms with becoming an international celebrity.

“I just did what any bicycle courier would do, when facing down the Skeleton Queen and her horde of undead,” stated Jimmy, the self professed twelve year old war hero. “I told her that if she wanted war with Ummagumma she’d be required to fill out the appropriate forms in triplicate. There just comes a time when you have to take a stand against tyranny. That’s why I’ve decided to go into politics. I think of that moment I stood against the Skeleton Queen as transformational. In these moments are made the great people of our nation and indeed our region.”

“What about the rumours of you signing a book and movie deal?” asked the reporter.

“Rambling House will be publishing my life story. It’s important for people understand that it’s all right to take a stand in today’s world. They’re already filming the movie of my exploits and I expect it to hit theatres by Christmas.”

-The Nihilist Hippy Commune of Ummagumma

9 hours ago

Bone's wagon remained stuck though and soon this may not matter anymore:

I wonder if I can bribe, mislead, tyrannise or corrupt a bicycle courier into pulling my stranded carriage out of the accursed sand pit.

Alas, I miss my horse. I have a feeling though that I can guess which nation it might be gallivanting in.

*doubtful look* But how many bicyclecourierpowers would it take to do a battle-hardened skeletal warhorse's work?

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

6 hours ago

For my dark suspicions were confirmed:

*With VK at his side Nameless grew more defiant. They marched up to the wall and Nameless dropped the C4 he was carrying. He headbutted it until it fell into position and molded itself against the wall and then meowed orders for all the kittens to find cover. Placing in the wires, he nodded to VK, and set the timer.*
"I knew I should never have let him watch me working." Plague muttered and then turned and yelled at the top of his non-existent lungs: "Fire in the hole! This is like the rose garden incident again people!"
A voice from the skeletal camp yelled back: "Which one?"
"Both of them!"
*Skeletons suddenly started to fly into a flurry of activity. That activity mostly being finding large solid things to hide behind and praying to various deities*
"Okay Nameless, you better get yourself clear. Please get yourself clear."

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

Seconds ago

Time seemed to slow down. Skeletons ran and dived in seeming slow motion as the timer ticked down. Kittens ran for their furry lives, not wanting to lose any of the precious nine they had.
And the timer...
slowly...
ran...
down...

[boneofcontention]

Trying my hand at one of them commercial thingies.

Unsurpassed in strategy: The Skeleton Army.
Precision, cunning, undeadliness.
Join us, the most methodical raiding force on NationStates!

[minions]

Feeling very accomplished.

All that devouring of training manuals has paid out in selecting the most relevant military targets in the occupied territory.

[skeletalplague]

Day something brought to you by The Skeletal Army (Unsurpassed in strategy: The Skeleton Army.
Precision, cunning, undeadliness.
Join us, the most methodical raiding force on NationStates!

Read more: skeleton-army.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=topsecret&thread=16&page=1#94#ixzz1zU2sDO5d)
Canada day was greeted with the warm stickiness of maple syrup and music:

Happy Canada Day, you Canadians! I'm saluting you by a) drinking a Kokanee, and b) spending my few remaining sober moments playing songs by Canadians on iTunes. Yes, songs by D.O.A., Heilx, 54-40, The Tragically Hip, Blue Rodeo, Stompin' Tom (yes, this American actually has TWO CDs By Stompin' Tom Connors! I had to drive up to Vancouver to buy them.) and Anne Murray! What's your favorite - excuse me, favourite Gordon Lightfoot song? Wrong!!! It's Old Dan's Records! Oh, and the Guess Who and Rush, of course. But absolutely no Bieber.

-The Dominion of Complete Bastards

1 day 10 hours ago

O Canada! O Wysteria! You rock!

Setting out the maple syrup in honour of the day.

We'll be cooking breakfast as soon as the debris settlers.

Excellent fireworks, Nameless. Well, more like flying dirtworks, but quite exciting nonetheless.

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

1 day 9 hours ago

And Nameless provided the fireworks, though they were rather unimpressive by my standards (Nameless does not know where to find these reports right?):

Taking cover underneath the buffet, Bone thinks fondly of the Great Host of Kittens. Be they skeletal and devious as the Nameless mastermind, be they ex-gnoll-oppressed revolutionaries, or be they of the winged and swift vampirical kind – all kittens are agents of entropy. In league with the dark forces of chaos.

As Plague shouts the urgent warning, Bone stretches out flat on the ground. But lo, the shaking earth dislodges a large jar of Canadian maple syrup, which, with the calamitous precision of friendly fire, falls over the edge on her skull.

*Passes out into very sweet dreams.*

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

1 day 7 hours ago

In the history of warfare there have been a few truly remembered explosions. The porto-potty incident of the Wilgelm Invasion of '98. Where a poor invader, seeking a smoke break, took it is a porto-potty that had a month's worth of methane built up in it. The Dissua Dragon explosion of '72 where a prankster thought it funny to feed the swamp dragon stables chili. The Rembra explosion of '34 where someone had thrown a stick of dynamite into the bubbling sulfur pits of Quimm during the annual expungence ceremony.
The timer ticked slowly down and Nameless and his friend sought cover as it did.
Those who have studied Plague know he makes things explode all the time. Usually quite dramatically.
The timer reached 10 seconds.
Those who followed Nameless would of learned something quite different. Control.
They would of seen him studying Ellma's book of Explosive Aptitude. Richard Blowell's book of blowing up Things Well. Big Boom Bertha's Book of Big Booming and, of course, Fun With C4, a users manual. They would of also have seen him studying I Can Haz Cheezeburger's Lady Kitties of the Cheezeburger Network, but Nameless was entering his teenage years and should be forgiven this.
The timer reached zero. The masses huddled in hiding.
There was a small "pop."
Explosions are nothing compared to implosions. The "pop" was air being sucked into the small airless center the explosion had caused. The walls buckled slightly.
Plague stood up and got out "That was-" before the real explosion hit.
The wall rocked, but did not spray shrapnel-like rock. Indeed, when the smoke cleared there was a tunnel through it exactly large enough for 3 kittens to march side by side. The kittens regrouped and began to do this.
A small rock did fly out though. It flew like a missile into a large oaken door inside the compound, bounced off and danced along the edge of the wall. Hitting a crack it launched upwards and was grabbed by a hungry gull who flew up high into the sky and tried to eat it. Finding it inedible it dropped it. The rock hit a tower, bounded off to the side. Flew down into a playground and road the slide. Hitting the bottom it launched up and landed on the end of a seesaw just as a large child jumped onto the other end. Sent forth like a catapult missile it soared over the wall, out into the battlefield and hit Plague square in the knee.
Plague dropped, holding his knee.
Ssss awwwww! Sssss awwwww! Sssss awwwww!

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

1 day 3 hours ago

The invadees tried prayer again and when that failed they tried other things that failed in their desperation to find the one thing that would not fail:

*crawls out from under rock*
A skeletal army has invaded our fair region!?! It is finally time for our Holy See to intercede in this most unholy, vile, and accursed affair.
PRAYER OFFENSIVE!....

I said PRAYER OFFENSIVE!!!!

*No notable affect to the invading skeletal army*

As a last ditch effort…
*Throws small bags of corn at skeletal army*

Lightning Bolt!…Lightning Bolt!…Lightning Bolt!….

*crawls back under rock*

-The Holiest Of The Holy Lands of Deep south Borland

23 hours ago

"Man the poutine and beer catapults!"

One man at the catapults said words of pity for the enemy. Indeed he had known few beings in his time who were not incapacitated after a generous helping of poutine and beer. If this didn't slow down the enemy's advance nothing would.

Already, the defences of the region had begun to crack. The enemy had seized a Dire Bear Soda machine from the Grendels, was occupying a linen closet in the Royal Palace of Equus, and a 'strategic spot next to a dark water puddle in Cthonian Wasteland' was overrun. There were even rumours that the someone had parked in the delegate's reserved parking spot, but the rumour was as yet unconfirmed. These were dark times indeed.

-The Green and Pleasant Dominion of The Bruce

20 hours ago

Ia! Ia!

Reports from the Wasteland's Ministry l'Strange state an increase in Wasteland Richter readings of almost 500%. Our Cthonian Overlords are not set to rise until the next stellar confluence.

As that is not until the early days of the 6th aeon we can only surmise that the demon wyrm Shai'Hullood has once again encroached into our deserts from the north; either that, or something more sinister...

Send in the Subterrain Corps, with a squad of Shoggoth to use as shields in case it is the junky sandworm looking for munchies again. Shoggoth seem to upset its production of that gods awful spice the fremen seem to love.

And fetch me necromancers! Our chants can't keep these dry and dusty dead things at bay forever. And make sure they're mounted on gaunts this time, they're far too vulnerable on the ground.

-The Architeuthis Dux of Cthonian Wasteland

6 hours ago

<deep heavy sigh> Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones is still here? <flings another seized-up, unused garlic press at a shambling pile of bones> That's clearly not working. <calls out the defense forces><launches a volley of roasted yams>That will have to do, we have to get back to our beach party.

-The Green Tropical Compound of Outter Micronesia

3 hours ago

And the minions used their deep earth understanding of military strategy to re-align their movements along the ley lines of the earth and seek appointments meant to maximize their effectiveness.
To the untrained observer this may have seemed that they were lost.

The Lost Squad of The Minions of The Skeleton Army

In Prophetic Sheep
Order of the day: Locate and seize vital infrastructure.
Progress report: Lost in a maze of sheep tracks. After arriving back at original tunnel entry for the 28th time, change of tactic. Re-burrowing to somewhere else.

In Deep South Borland
Order of the day: Locate and seize vital infrastructure, or failing that, return to royal tent.
Progress report: Chased by ferocious frolicking lambs, occupation plans abandoned (for now). In the distance, spotted our friend, the skeletal dragon, hovering in the air. Forced march in direction of dragon. Sky became overcast; lost sight of flying dragon again. Followed a promising trail consisting of small bags of corn. Lost again. Re-burrowing.

In The Bruce
Order of the day: Try to locate our headquarters, if at all possible.
Progress report: Surfaced in centre of a stadium in Gemini, The Bruce. Disoriented by athletes milling about in all directions. Unable to determine direction of royal skeletal headquarters. Weighing re-burrowing again as a desperate measure. Finally, a stroke of luck. A large salvo of poutine and beer splashes on the turf right in front of us. Thanks to stadium markings, finally able to triangulate our destination. Onward to glory! For the Queen!

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

18 hours ago

Meanwhile, in a field, a horse remembered home:

There was a dream, dreaming the horse...

On a dark plain, somewhere on a Wysterian continent, a lone skeletal horse trotted across fertile grasslands. She had followed a chimera, a dream image of a horse and filly running side by side. It had touched her, made her eager to find company, to run together, to show off new gilded horseshoes, to run for a few days in a herd. No doubt Bone would find other powerful beings to deal with logistics. She would take a sashay through these strange lands. From afar, she had observed the mysterious sentient dragons going about their mysterious dragon ways. But the horse did not know their customs and had hidden, still looking for a herd to run with for a while.

The horse remembered watching Bone fill up the carriage with party supplies, remembered chomping at the bit, excited at the prospect of new adventure in faraway lands. The farrier had been kind to the horse, humming Italian folk songs to himself while doing his delicate work. Now the horse roamed aimlessly, still seeking companions, finding nourishment in lush grasses, as well as roasted yams some kind travellers had provided.

The horse looked up at the almost full moon. A glittering skeletal dragon was visible next to it, a comforting familiar sight. She whinnied, shook a snow white equine skull, and continued across the prairie.

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

98 minutes ago

We shall follow the adventures of this horse in a 3-apart special event on Fox called "When Horses Attack!" (Stay tuned for times and dates, I am still trying to get them to agree to this but they say my demand of 1 million dollars is laughable. Obviously this means it is too low so now I am making it 1 billion dollars.)

Back at the battle it was time to remind them why we were there:

*gets hit by a garlic press*
We can bring ceasu- cese- we can bring a stop to this war and the mayhem and the explosions and the spilled syrup and begin a party with mayhem and fireworks and spilled rum if thee would just sign this here thighbone!
Stop, before another innocent garlic press is harmed!

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

Seconds ago

[skeletalplague]

I do believe we should be giving Bone some kind of metal or something for taking n the Chthulainic hordes:

"Oh Great Lord Prophets," announced a rather exasperated looking messenger running into the hall, "we have received word from Pastor Martin at Etch Wath."

The men draped in white woollen cloaks, seated about a oaken table looked about the room nervously meeting each other’s gaze. At the head of the table, the oldest member stood slowly, stroking his long wispy beard of white. "And what tidings do his words bring, boy?"

The boy clumsily unfurled the parchment, tracing the inked letters with his chubby fingers as his eyes darted across the page.

"He says... He says they have gone... Fled... Into cavernous holes beneath the earth. He is attempting to follow them into the tunnel on the morrow, to drive them from the Holy Land for once and all. But here, here he says his call to arms was not met as he'd hoped. The villages only sent drunkards - chubby ones, he says, with few skills and fewer wits. None could hold a sword or a bow, so he has armed them with... with rabid chickens and strong smelling flowers. Two of his men are already gone, lost in the darkness on the backs of rampaging sheep, he reports. Another two were trampled by... wild goats. He fears disquiet amongst his remaining men. He implores us to send ale and cider by the barrel. To calm the men and... And the chicken's he says. They are our only hope."

Silence fell. The old man lifted his gaze from his feet, and looked upon the trembling boy before him.

"So be it," he bellowed. "Send the Pastor our stores of ale. If the lord asks me to put my faith in drunken chickens, I shalt not be the one to balk from this test. Send the cider too! Let those craven beasts see the Lord's wrath. Let them peck that army of bones all the way back to the seventh hell!"

-The Land of Prophetical Sheep

23 hours ago

*yawn*
*splash splash splash*

There's nothing like sweet sleep, and a few goblets of rum splashed in the face. Any more insurgents? Hah. We scoff at your pitiful efforts. The Skeleton Army: Tyranny by Majority! Hey, we can use this in another commercial.

*Bone rose and twirled the war axe with nonchalance. A squad of Shoggoth was approaching. Unsightly blobs, wobbling as they moved, with eyes forming and disappearing all over the place.*

Well, I suppose they haven't chosen to take protoplasmic shapes. No beautiful bones at all?

*Bone remembered the rigorous military drills with the minions. Especially the bunny hop training. With practised ease, the skeletal warrior hopped back and forth in front of the Shoggoth, hopped over them, between them and across their lumpy shapes. The eyes of the Shoggoth, trying to follow the rapid zigzag movements of their adversary, became cross-eyed, then hopelessly-tangled-eyed. The Shoggoths' surfaces knotted into themselves, rendering them unable to perceive or move. They collapsed into small hardened balls and rolled back to whence they came from.*

-The Mind Alteration of The Bone of Contention

21 hours ago

But when the night-gaunts approached, Bone stood quite still. The war-axe fell from limp skeletal hands, and lay on the trampled ground, useless.

The dark things surrounded her. The huge bat wings beat the air. On their backs rode hooded necromancers. She could see the slick surfaces of the bodies, their curved horns, and, worst of all, where their faces would be, emptiness.

The night-gaunts extended their barbed tails and attacked.

Their tails went right through the ribcage, through the shoulders under the collarbone, between shinbone and fibula, and out again at the other side... right into nightgaunts attacking from the opposite direction. The terrible tickle attack went right through Bone, and the night creatures tickled each other into utter defeat. Bone stood in a circle of prostrate gaunts, triumphant.

-The Mind Alteration of The Bone of Contention

21 hours ago

But then such reward removed for making the priest cry.

*From a window near the apex of New Imboca's tallest spire, towering above whitewashed ziggurats and multistorey malls comes a damp bubbling sound... a soft crackling hiss heard by nobody below.*

*Through the window, in a throne carved from the ossified remains of some long dead aquatic giant sits the Om-mani-padme-pope (on-a-rope) Armaitus Syn, President (unelect) and religious leader of the Cthonian Wasteland.*

*In front of him is an elegant writing desk, cyclopean, ancient and marred only by the polish of centuries usage. Strewn across this eye-straining tableau are over a dozen newspapers and reports that are written in a beautiful flowing script. With a consistency achievable only by means of mechanised print the headlines are both blunt and dire.*

BONED! THOUSANDS DIE IN SKELETAL INVASION!
In a shock assault by the passive forces of the Skeletal Horde, almost a thousand Shoggoth have been left crippled and the Papal Gaunt Force are rumoured to have regrouped to resummon their steeds whilst efforts are made to locate the squadron leader, High Necromancette Oquintia Thanateros. Oquintia, who is rumoured to be a close advisor of the papal court has not been accounted for since her squadron were overrun by animate skeletons. The Ministry l'Strange refused to comment at this time.

*The newspapers stir in the breeze from the window as the broken bubbling sound continues to eminate from his eminence - the Om-mani-padme-pope is crying.*

*Strewn amongst the newspapers and reports are satellite images, beautiful multicolored sprays across the Wastelands - beautiful until you realise the origin of the sprays - dull eyes motionless, locked and twisted in the combined melting mass of countless confused shoggoth.*

*The sobbing softens as the nation's leader takes his webbed hands from where they have been clutching his face and pulls a report from the pile in front of him.*

"The idiots! Gods forsaken idiots.", he mumbles quietly.

*Towards the top left, beneath the heraldic crest of the Minstry l'Strange there is a photograph of a sinister young woman with elfin features, bonewhite skin and ebony hair. Stamped across the top in a vile lime green are the letters M.I.A.*

*Dropping the dossier to the floor as a nictitating membrane pushes the last of his tears from his eyes, Armaitus reaches for his desk phone - pushing the button labelled "M" there is a pause...*

"Call together the Mundane Council and alert the corporations, it's about time they earnt their retainers. If we can't deal with this in the old ways lets try make use of our corporate might." he speaks clearly and calmly, his face suddenly knotting with spite "And, send out the Repo squads, I want my concubine back."

-The Architeuthis Dux of Cthonian Wasteland

4 hours ago

And I do believe we have a strict no drugs except alcohol policy during invasions!

That strange racket shook Harold out of his stupor.

*Sounds like a bunch of cats fighting outside...* he thought to himself, reaching for the half burned spliff still sitting in the ashtray. Harold looked towards his roommate, predictably passed out on the couch. Lighting up, he walked to the front door to see just what the hell was going on outside. He opened the door and was greeted by the sight of what looked like a hundred cats, chickens, and axe-wielding skeletons engaged in a battle royale up and down the block. The spliff promptly fell from Harold's lips as one of the skeletons turned to face him, staring right through Harold with his eye...hole...things.

"Kumar!"

The body on the couch barely registered a grunt as the skeleton marched up the path towards the front door.

"Kumar! There's a skeleton with a battle axe walking up the front lawn!"

"Ask him if he has any cookies."

"Kumar! GET. OVER. HERE. NOW!" shrieked Harold, now standing face to bone with the skeleton. The skeleton stood there motionless, staring right back at Harold even as a calico kitten started crawling up one of its legs. Kumar stumbled towards his roommate, his eyes immediately finding the spliff on the floor. It was only after taking a puff did he notice the axe-wielding skeleton with a kitty dangling from its ribcage standing in the doorway.

"Kumar, why are there a bunch of viking skeletons running around town with kittens?"

"I dunno Roldie...what the hell did we put in this anyway? Hey, do you smell waffles?" Kumar stuck the spliff in between the skeleton's teeth, then ventured out to follow the smell of maple syrup.

-The Great Green Arkleseizure of Hydroponic Nation

16 hours ago

But I haven't been trained for this! Bone wailed inwardly as she stalked up the front lawn. Battling protoplasmic abominations was one thing. But escorting government officials towards the royal tent, preferably in one piece?

At least the calico kitten was there with her, someone familiar with this strange land.

The door opened, and Bone looked into a miniature jungle. The air was warm and moist. A sweet scent wafted out of the opening.

One of the jungle dwellers looked at her inquiringly. The kitten meowed in encouragement. Petrified, Bone stood in the doorway. The well-rehearsed speech was forgotten. Stage fright, thought Bone. So that's what it is like. Diplomacy is not my career.

The jungle dwellers departed, leaving Bone standing in the doorway with a pleasant smelling, glowing object between her teeth. Bone inhaled. Suddenly, the small indoor jungle appeared to glow. The kitten sat on her clavicle, purring. State affairs receded into the background. Her mind balullaaay susuraay nunannnay avakrairl naallkkaaahhhh

-The Mind Alteration of The Bone of Contention

5 hours ago

*Offers Hydro and Kumar some cookies and maple syrup.*

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

16 hours ago

The minions had to go and get refreshed and may have found the key to the invasion:

Exhausted from being chased by dangerous drunken chickens and showered with strong-smelling flowers, a minion took a break from the battlefield, and snagged a stack of waffles from the buffet. With the waffles, the minion wandered about aimlessly. The pandemonium from the battlefield faded.

The lonesome minion came by a cardboard box. It was occupied by a blue-white, fuzzy personage.

In its paws, it held a sign. 'Will cuddle for food.'

The minion offered the blue-white personage a waffle.

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

19 hours ago

and new trouble appeared:

A company of Elven Avaridorian Knights, riding unicorns and led by King Tauredil himself, suddenly materialized on the battlefield. Forming a line facing the oncoming skeletal horde, the Knights began chanting in their ancient tongue to combine their arcane powers, weaving a greater shatter spell. A wave of this potent magic began to reach the undead invaders.

-The Sylvan Kingdom of Avaridor

2 minutes ago

[skeletalplague]

The war grew even stranger, er, stronger as we pushed forth a response:

*Nameless and his kitten army swarmed over the city, desperately looking for litter boxes. Finding none they settled on a sandbox in the center of town. Once this was full they moved out into any grass and dirt areas they could find. Once this need was satisfied they noted the lack of kitten BBQs going on and gave each other hi-5s. One kitten noted a jungle through an open door and wandered in, followed by another, and another. Soon they were all munching on the plants inside.*

*Seeing the army chanting Plague grabbed an old boombox and cranked it to 11, holding it above his head*
*out poured music meant to interfere with the chanting*
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost witho-
*he quickly changed the station*
love I get so lost, sometimes
*Curses again, changes station*
Now I lay me down to sleep, Pray the lord my soul to keep
*better*

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

23 hours ago

But then our glorious Queen, whose very step is the essence of grace and whose very face the essence of beauty stepped in:

Ok warriors listen up.......Minion I want you to find that horse of yours and hitch it up to the wagon and start collecting all the fleshy kittens. Here is a bag of kitten chow for them, some bone chow for nameless and some blood sausages for VK. When you have collected them all take them over to that field over there where they can play safely. Plague I would like you to help bears with the buffet and DO NOT irritate their klingons they get a bit testy, set up the big bar b ques and get the sticky ribs ready, bring out the beerquila and set them up lets try and lure The Bruce out so they can sign the thigh bone of surrender, we will leave it out so they can sign it. Please do not lose it or you will have to ask Ramatupacs for another on. Now lets get busy....and where is that dragon?

-The Warrior Skeleton Queen of Ramazakal

22 hours ago

Cannot one here tinkling when she speaks?

And the universe, it obeyed:

Bone lay on the couch in the jungle dwellers’ home, staring at the ceiling. She giggled. The kitten that had accompanied her had somehow multiplied, and the multikitten was now devouring the jungle.

Her mind wandered far away...

On the fair Wysterian continent of Bucephalia, a herd of toast racks was peacefully grazing. No, they were horses. Only one of them resembled a toast rack. The skeletal horse looked up.

Come back to us, please, thought Bone. Just for a little while. We are setting up the party! Right now! We need you. The carriage is full of barrels and bottles!

The horse neighed. She bid a polite farewell to the lead mare and the herd, and galloped away by the light of an almost full moon.

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

21 hours ago

*Puts down boombox, still blaring enter Sandman, and heads over to help set up*

*The kittens, those with stomachs at least, were feeling grumblies in them since they had not eaten for a while*
*In the distance they could smell kitten chow being unloaded. One by one they wandered out the door and towards the smell.*
*One of them stepped on the remote and a commercial came on the TV for White Castle. Suddenly they knew they craved something and even more kittens began to follow.*
*Nameless looked up and saw his army departing. He drew in breath to meow them back to order when he smelled the bone chow. He decided instead to follow.*

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

21 hours ago

A squad of minions stood by and cheered when the mighty warhorse appeared, the earth thundering under golden hooves.

Graciously, the horse let them hitch her to the carriage. With combined effort, the minions pushed from behind.

In their padded packaging, the valuable kegs and bottles in the carriage were well-protected, as the vehicle advanced swiftly towards the royal army headquarters.

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

21 hours ago

if badly translated:

We have here, esteemed residents of Wysteria, a feast unfolding before your very eyes. The bottles of secret sauce are ready. The barbeque is being fired up as we speak. The beerquila kegs are being iced. There is chow for the kittens, and blood sausages for the vampirical kind. The gnolls amongst us need but state their wants - bar kitten bbq please - and they shall fed in abundance. The same goes for sheep, elves, Cthonian walking nightmares and their rulers, chickens, sentient dragons, zombie rock stars, hippy soldiers, Centauri courtiers, poutine catapult operators, jungle dwellers, and all other Wysterians. An array of mysterious bottles for cocktail purposes can be found in the cases being unloaded right now. We have a few additional party surprises hidden in the baggage.

On this ancient shield, we present the venerable thighbone of the skeleton army to the esteemed leader of the region’s valiant but ultimately futile defence movement. The signature seals the region’s surrender to our most gracious and bountiful leader, Ramazakal, the Warrior Skeleton Queen.

At least, that’s what Bone had intended to say.
Somehow, it all came out as if scrambled through a Bad Translator. *

"We want to see all of the public eye since ... Date Wysteria, the development account. Ingrédient gate cylinder very clear. Fonctionnement Grill. close the dialog Beerquila tank. Vampire cat and lunch time Morcilla. Lou ferrigno said Gore-but please, food, gray, although the fear that you want. Putin, life, all other bad dream Cthonian gods domain of Alpha Centauri Wysterians rock, the King's justice, the European Community has thousands of zombies, chickens, contractor Dragon Hardy, rock star, the tears of the forest. Number of security problems, you can find the mysterious soup, telecharger delayed. What is hidden in some fantastique in other countries.

Femur age old army jacket now dear courageous leader of the movement, but the end useless defense of the skull. Signature stamps rich regions, we are compassionate and rendering, Ramazakal, skeleton Warrior Queen of the Manager."

* ackuna.com/badtranslator

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

20 hours ago

Today is a good day to die!!!!!

No, no! Wait! Let us readjust the noise cancelling headphones!

*Bearries frantically reattach headphones to Klingons, in hopes of averting interstellar war at the bbq.

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

20 hours ago

And commemoration was done in Legos by our newly forming friends:

A sinister young woman with elfin features, bonewhite skin and ebony hair melts from the shadows.

"Oooh! Are we having a barbecue? I can conjure us some tiger prawns if you have anything to marinade them in."

* I'm enjoying this. I've depicted the Skeletal Invasion in lego here: wp.me/pOc3v-vf *

-The Architeuthis Dux of Cthonian Wasteland

19 hours ago

Beerquilla pong was set up:

Harold and Kumar, following their noses, eventually stumbled onto the massive barbecue spread.

"Well it's not White Castle that's for sure. What do you think, should we join in?" asked Harold.

"Dude I don't give a damn what it is, all I know is it looks like free Bar-B-Q!" replied a wide-eyed Kumar.

As they made their way closer, one of the giant skeletons stood up and began speaking. Harold recognized the skeleton instantly and froze in his tracks.

"Dudedudedude, wait!" said Harold as he grabbed a hold of his friend. "That's the same skeleton from before!"

"Are you sure Roldie? Don't they all kinda look alike?"

"Ok, that's racist Kumar. And, also, look at the kitten man, that's the same one from before too."

"Oh come on Roldie. You can't tell one cat from another!"

"Ok, now you sound like a Grendel."

"Yeah, and I'm about to eat like one too. I want some of that mysterious soup Skeletor was talking about."

"Wait a minute. Shouldn't we bring something to the party?"

"You mean besides the pound of Maui Wowie in my backpack? Wait, I think I have just the thing Roldie. Come with me."

5 minutes later the two returned with a half-dozen bags of plastic Solo cups and some ping pong balls.

"So, ladies and gentle-skeletons, anyone up for a game of beerquila pong?"

-The Great Green Arkleseizure of Hydroponic Nation

16 hours ago

Though some would still rage:

"Garlic presses don't stop them; Yams don't stop them... We may have to use NyooKlear Forz!!!"
www.metrolyrics.com/cheepnis-lyrics-frank-zappa.html

-The Green Tropical Compound of Outter Micronesia

14 hours ago

Breakfast was served by our own Bearistotle:

*Listens closely to Klingons. Set out platters of large pancakes and many pitchers of genuine maple syrup. Smile.*

Lookie! You can write your name on your pancake so no one's breakfast gets confused while you're fighting with each other. Don't forget to sign your pancake. Today is a good day to sign.

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

14 hours ago

And we found a fellow historian!

So in case anyone wants to catch up on this excellent invasion thread from the beginning, I've grabbed screen shots of all the posts so far and pasted them into our forum at z1.invisionfree.com/Wysterian_Forum/index.php?showtopic=7598 I'll continue doing so every couple of days and make sure this whole thing gets documented for all posterity, or at least until the next great invisionfree server crash.

-The Grand Duchy of Iyari

11 hours ago

And then the glorious thing happened! The Bruce, besieged by allergies signed the thigh-bone!

The Grande Elector pulled up to the party in a flatbed truck, with its cargo of alcohol.

“Wysterians have suffered much in this war. I who am allergic to cats have perhaps suffered more than most!” stated the Grande Elector, tossing back some allergy pills. “We sign this bony femur so that our children and our children’s children, who will most likely be ungrateful brats about the whole thing, will know peace. Most importantly, we sign this bony femur that we might begin consuming copious amounts of alcohol! It’s OK if I use a sharpie, right?"

-The Green and Pleasant Dominion of The Bruce

10 hours ago

We also share his second thoughts:

Wow! It's not every day someone commemorates a RP in lego. Nice work Armaitus!

-The Green and Pleasant Dominion of The Bruce

10 hours ago

Joy was felt, partying began and a solution for cat dander reached:

*Joyously offers The Bruce some cheesecake and a lovely single malt.*

-The Cookery of Bearistotle and Hebert

5 hours ago

*One of the minions uses two – now entirely civilian – garlic presses, and adds garlic to each of the nicely progressing batches of grilled aubergines, tomatoes, mushrooms and bell peppers. Meanwhile, others sprinkle rosemary, thyme, and a pinch of sweet marjoram. The fresh basil leaves are set out in a large bowl.

A busy minion shakes a secret sauce bottle and - FFFLLLLPPPP - wipes skull. Looks around and is reassured that several crates of full sauce bottles remain.*

-The Minions of The Skeleton Army

4 hours ago

Woohoo! Party time!

You say this food is free?

-The Corporate Paradise of Qanzona

2 hours ago

*Hands the Qanzonan ambassador a silver plate.*

To Yggdrasil, with Love.

*Continues passing out lots of silver plates.*

For beerquila, there are glass mugs set out next to the kegs. Mind not touching the ice around the kegs: frostbite! We asked the necromancer from Cthonian Wasteland to breathe over it. It's cold.

-The Undignified Melodrama of The Bone of Contention

113 minutes ago

I think we can take care of your cat problem The Bruce. I shall have Nameless, once he is done eating of course, lead them all the Kittens Sanctuary.

-The We aint'nt dead yet of The Skeletal Plague

Seconds ago

[boneofcontention]

I like the Grande Elector's choice of vehicle. :)